The Atlantic - Latest Comments in Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Deborah — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 12:57:54 -0000

Via Andrew, Obama is now Professor Snape. The wingnuts have an advantage at thinking up this stuff.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Persia — Fri, 31 Oct 2008 11:08:52 -0000

ed,

Does that mean if McCain wins we get a set of steak knives?

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

matoko_chan — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:29:24 -0000

Do not fear Ta-nehisi.

It has been my long held hypothesis that Science and hiphop dance will save the world.

Team McCain has no science. The demographics of this country have passed the conservatives by. The poll tightening that so excites them is just voters in deepsouth, deepred states that respond to the socialist!terrorist!muslim! schtick. The older, less educated, less integrated voter demes. The ones McCain doesn't need-- he already has them.

But the battleground states are all purple. The demographics have changed to younger, more integrated, more educated voters.

McCain doesn't need the deep red states--he needs the electoral college votes from purple Ohio, and Pennsylvania.

If you watch street dance battles....or say America's best Dance Crewe....look at the composition of the crewes....black, brown, yellow, white.

It doesn't matter.

That is Obama's America.

Hiphop America.

We choose the future.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Jonathan Burns — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 19:10:38 -0000

And might we not even hope to believe [ I say, slowly rubbing my pale white hands together - an unsettling sight as each finger possesses an extra joint ] that the Obama Kedavra may once again be legal?

Wait! Is that a camera? Stop him!

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

JC — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:57:38 -0000

Dennis,

What claptrap. It's clear that Dick Cheney is now, and has always been, Darkside. Think of Bush, McCain, others, simply as hangers-on to the original darkness.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Tessa — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:38:14 -0000

I miss Atari. Unfortunately, I've somehow filled my mother's shoes--I suck at today's video games. I remember how deflated she looked when my brother and I would refuse to hand over the joystick, and now, I can empathize. Sigh. But I can't blame them. Who the hell wants to sit there and watch me panic and die within the first ten seconds? It's painful and embarassing.

Okay, sorry for getting off-track. Where's today's open thread?

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

JC — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:28:07 -0000

Well, Andrew Sullivan and James Wolcott already have this covered. Velociworld - The Man In the Lavendar Automobile.

It really is almost parody. Like a skit that liberals have about how nutty conservatives are - but actually true!

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

JF — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:21:56 -0000

Sometime during the next 5 days, President Bush signs into law an innocuous bill dealing with an obscure provision of maritime law. Unreported is that he includes a presidential signing statement declaring November 4th to be "opposite day," and as such all votes cast for Obama will be for McCain, and vice versa. Since these signing statements carry the weight of both the executive branch and the vice-presidential branch, they outweigh any opposition, and the country mistakenly doesn't not elect John McCain.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Tim McGaha — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 15:07:58 -0000

Sansouci wrote:

"I have been loathe to face it but white people may be agents of C'Thulu."

You say that like it's a bad thing. After all, why vote for the LESSER of two evils?

Ia! Ia! Cthulu fhtagn!

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Raindog — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:50:40 -0000

I don’t have all of this figured out yet…..but I think that it all has to do with the story featured in that movie “The Golden Compass”.

Remember how religious groups were up in arms when the movie came out, enraged over the fact that it was based on a series of books written by an author hostile to religion. Well, I think that was just a faint. The real reason was that the story is TOO CLOSE to the truth! They needed to stop the making of any more movies; the books themselves were no threat as everyone knows Americans don’t read.

That’s right, I said it, all the pieces are starting to fit together.

The evil, fundamentalist Magisterial wants to keep everyone in the dark about the origin of “dust”. And what was Barack brushing off his shoulders at that one campaign speech during the primaries?!? That’s right; it has NOTHING to do with Jay-Z!!! Barack knows all about it, he’s so knowledgeable, he brushes it right off his shoulders.

Think I’m crazy?!? Well, join the club, but the facts march on.

In the movie, who was the little girl’s best ally? That’s right, the POLAR BEAR! And who is the polar bear’s greatest natural enemy today? Well, none other than Sarah Palin, the GOP’s VP nominee.

And it gets even worse!!!!!

In the big battle towards the end of the movie, who helped save the day?!? Witches! And who has been prayed over recently, trying to get strength from a witch-doctor to fortify themselves for a battle with witches? That’s right, Sarah Palin!!!!!

All I need to figure out is who the evil blonde woman is here. HRC? Cindy McCain? Meagan McCain? That might be the key to cracking this whole case WIDE OPEN!

I’m telling you, this is what it’s all about! Can’t you see…..or have they gotten to you too?!?!?

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Lance — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:43:37 -0000

Frodo Obama and Samwise Biden are nearing their journey to destroy the one ring in the reflecting pool, but there are still a few challenges left. Will Obama be tempted to use the power of the ring? Will Smeagol Clinton, so far a loyal helper, convert back to Gollum? The troops have defeated the forces of Sauron Cheney in the battleground state of Gondor, and now the forces are massing at Gates of Pennsylvania. Steve Schmidt and the Nazgul continue their dark arts. Sarumon McCain and Wormtongue Palin having been corrupted by the dark forces of Mordor continue their intrigues to steal the ring for themselves.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

John — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 14:31:42 -0000

Sir, I beg to differ. Dick Cheney is clearly Varimathras.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

ed — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:47:35 -0000

The mother of all sports-motivation-speeches

Al-Pacino in Any given sunday!

If unintentionally comedic overacting beyond self-parody is your thing, then yes.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Alpha Female — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:28:08 -0000

> the Terminator sent back in time by futuristic Diebold machines?

Snarfle!

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Dennis Gonzalez — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:26:32 -0000

The Republican Party, as it is today, are actually the Gods of Apokolips, with John McCain as Darkseid, Sarah Palin as Granny Goodness, William Kristol as Glorious Godfrey, and Steve Schmidt as Desaad, with all the nutso hate-spewers at Palin rallies as Justifiers and Parademons spreading the Anti-life Equation.

You could make the case that Obama is Mister Miracle, Ted Kennedy is Highfather, Biden is Lightray, Jim Webb is Orion, and the youth vote collectively is The Forever People. Not too crazy, is it?

Viva Jack Kirby!

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Scott — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:12:24 -0000

BREAKING NEWS...OCTOBER SURPISE NOW REVEALED...HUGE BOOST FOR JOHN MCCAIN

http://www.weeklyworldnews.com/election-08/october-surprise-alien-endorses-mccain/print/

OCTOBER SURPRISE: ALIEN ENDORSES MCCAIN!

WASHINGTON, DC - In a shocking reversal, the Alien has switched his endorsement from Barack Obama to John McCain.

With major implications for the U.S. presidential election, political kingmaker the Alien has changed his endorsement amid furor. Both political camps are buzzing about the implications, as the Alien has correctly predicted the winning president in every election for the past 28 years.

Ongoing investigation points to Cindy McCain as being the cause for this historic shift in allegiances.

Uncovered photos suggest that in a last ditch effort to help her husband’s failing campaign, Cindy McCain seduced and then blackmailed the Alien for his endorsement.

At a recent McCain rally, inside sources say Cindy McCain disappeared with the Alien after sharing several champagnes with the notorious intergalactic lightweight. Ms. McCain’s alien-like good looks and natural blood temperature of 54 degrees Fahrenheit may have proved too much for him to resist as she reportedly put her cyborg husband into sleep mode and worked her charms.

This is not the first time the Alien, who sources say is no prude, has been in political “hot water.” During the 2004 election he was photographed in a hot tub with Laura Bush and Teresa Heinz Kerry. As the Alien is now married with children the release of these photos could be devastating for him.

What impact this news will have on the election has yet to be determined. Swing state voters, who will decide this election, have the highest rate of alien abductions and UFO sightings and are known to vote in accordance with supernatural forces.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Brad L — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:08:27 -0000

I don't see why it requires outright denial of the obstacles & contemptuous mockery of people who discuss them

I think you and Ed are misreading the humor here. It's not a premature victory dance - we aren't Leon Lett celebrating our touchdown, unaware of Don Beebe running up behind us.

This isn't celebration - not really. It's gallows humor.

We're that other famous football player: Charlie Brown. We've felt the football be pulled away at the last moment, and that painful, thudding crash as our asses hit the winter-hard ground.

And there's the football. We've been running across the field forever, but now it's so close. Right there, barely a step away. We want to kick it, but we don't trust it. Deep down, we just don't.

This is our way of trying to laugh about that.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

bruce — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 13:03:56 -0000

The mother of all sports-motivation-speeches

Al-Pacino in Any given sunday! It's actually quite relevant to this election-cycle...and to they obama prez-run....

"i dont know what to say really

3 min till the biggest battle of our proffessional lives, all comes down to today

either we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble

inch by inch, play by play till we're finished

we're in hell now gentlemen, believe me, and we can stay here and get the shit kicked out of us

or, we can fight our way back, into the light....one inch at a time

now i cant do it for ya, im to old. i look around and i see these young faces,and i think, i mean, i made every wrong choise a middle age man could make, i pissed away all my money...belive it or not, i chased of any one who's ever loved me, and lately, i can't even stand the face i see in the mirror....

u know when you get old in life, things get taken away from you ...thats part of life, but you only learn that, wen u start loosing stuff...u find out, life's this game of inches, so's football, because in either game, life or football...the margin for error, is so small, i mean, one half a step to late or too early, u dont quite make, one half second to slow to fast, u dont quite catch it, the inches we need are everywhere, around us, there in every brake of the game, every minute, every second

on this team we fight for that inch, on this team we tear ourself and everyone else around us to pieces fot that inch....we claw with our fingernails for that inch....because we know when we add upp al those inches, we know, that's gonna make the fuckin difference between winning and loosing

between living and dying

i tell u this, in any fight, its the guy who's willing to die whos gonna win that inch, and i know, if im gonna have any life anymore it's because im willing to fight and die for that inch, because, that's what living is...

the six inches infront of your face...now i can't make u do it, u gotta look at the guy next to you, look in his eyes now i think u goona see a guy who will go that inch with you, your gonna se a guy, wo will sacrifice himself for his team, beacuse he knows when it comes down to it, your gonna do the same for him, , that's a team gentle men, and , either we heal now, as a team, or we will die, as individuals....that's football guys! that's all it is...

now....what are u gonna do? "

Now, i think u know, what u gonna do!?

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

ed — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:55:17 -0000

Stealing elections you can fix.

Not if the stealers are constantly in power, silly.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

alkali — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:53:16 -0000

If McCain wins, I hope to hell that it's because the RNC stole the thing. Stealing elections you can fix. Living in a country with a voting majority of idiots you can't fix.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

ed — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:37:35 -0000

How will we blow this one fellow lefties?

We didn't blow the last two. They were stolen. Please. Pay attention. It's important.

Either way, as another commenter on another blog reminds us:

A Always

B Be

C Closing

Now put down that coffee and head down to your local Obama office (as Mr. Obama himself asked you to), pitch in and make this thing happen. Run through the tape. Play to the whistle. And what have you. It's important.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Another Cubs fan — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:31:22 -0000

gracchus,

I don't know if there's a separate name for it, but I think your fallacy is some application or corollary of "post hoc, ergo propter hoc." You root for a team, they lose, so you (fallaciously) assume that there's a causal relationship. This implies that you have the power to cause such losses, and then, generalizing from this, you conclude that you can cause McCain to lose by rooting for him. Well, I wish you could! Good luck trying, anyway.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Persia — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:23:35 -0000

I love you guys. Seriously.

But I think Ta-Nehisi's already covered this: Barack Obama is, after all, Magneto. On election night, he'll dazzle the country with his amazing ability. But he doesn't realize that his mad magnetic skilz will affect digital voting machines throughout America, throwing the numbers to the Republicans.

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Andrew Fly — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:14:38 -0000

I think laborlibert wins, Drugs, dice, Jews, glocks, Orange slice! And solving Tupac's murder

we are way past dead girl/ live boy territory. it would take dead rappers

Re: Hold on, I hear somebody coming...

Bruce — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 12:01:28 -0000

@laborlibert:

I couldn't have wrote it better myself, aaawesome dude! you even got the west-coast post-G-funk feel down and everything.

We must incorporate the Chappelle Show "long time ago" remix into this...

I wrote this song a long time ago

A real long time ago, FEEL ME!

I wrote this song a long time ago

It was the dopest song I ever wrote,... in 94

What can a nigga do

When half the people voted for George W

Life's a bitch, f*** George W., can't be true

I want to choke him, cause he's a snitch

I'm talking bout George W. Smith

From city council

He ran in 93 out in Oakland.

You probably didn't hear about him.